Robots Made Me Break the Law

Last week I got a traffic ticket for the first time in 17 years–and that one was for going the wrong way down a poorly marked, deserted, very dark one-way alley, hardly a premeditated felonious offense. This time, I was speeding. I was going very fast. Normally I don’t do this (much); I prefer to set my cruise control at 65 or 70, both to curb any unintended bursts of speed and to keep my MPGs high and therefore costs and pollution low. However, that day I forgot all about cruise control, moderation, and saving the planet. I was insanely happy. I was flying high on a post-inspiration glow and feeling giddy and invincible...plus I was going downhill. Add to that the fact that I was blasting “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots” on my radio and gleefully shouting along, and you have a pretty solid recipe for speed violations. The cop who stopped me asked me what my speedometer said and I had to admit that I honestly didn’t know. I was much too busy singing about karate chicks kicking evil mechanical ass to notice a trivial thing like how fast I was going...

I was extremely contrite, in actuality. To be more precise, I was horror-stricken–both by the fact that I had been zooming along so cluelessly and gotten pulled over, and also because my financial situation is in a state of flux and I’m pretty sure that the fine for going 80-plus mph in a 65 zone isn’t small change these days. In fact, I started crying my eyes out while he was at his car running my license and noting that I have a spotless record. Once he deduced that I was not a cracked-out moral reprobate in a stolen vehicle (initially, he had actually asked me if it was my car), Mr. Policeman was kinder to me than I had expected. He told me that I may be able to mitigate my fine by going to see a particular judge-type person in the county building and asking him very nicely to lower my fine since I’m a good citizen. As soon as I figure out who he meant exactly, I’m goin'!

So, kids, the moral to be gleaned from my harrowing brush with the law is this: Don’t sing songs about robots while you drive.

Notes: 1) According to the University of Birmingham Computer Science page: The word "robot" was first used in the 1921 play R.U.R. (Rossum's Universal Robots) by the Czech writer Karel Capek (pronounced "chop'ek"). "Robot" comes from the Czech word robota, meaning "forced labor."
2) The photo is from the movie Devil Girl from Mars (1954). Nice cape! I think she looks more like a Space Dominatrix than a devil girl, if you ask me...